I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
