it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
