I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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