But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
