the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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