it was like eating out sand paper
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
