I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
