I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
