in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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