she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
