it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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