Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
