Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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