obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
