Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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