Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
