i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
