remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
