There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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