I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
