Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
