I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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