i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
