i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just had sex bonerless
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
