he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I love you. Go after that dick
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
