He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
