dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
