the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
