just come out here and I will go home with you...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
