Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
