What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
