You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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