He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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