Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
