I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
