come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
