Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize