I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
