No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
