but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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