Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I deserve this hangover.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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