i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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