I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
