So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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