I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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