You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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