I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
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I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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