It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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