it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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