The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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