Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
