We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
