my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
A bitchslap is in order.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
