he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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