Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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