Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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