I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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