So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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