Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Apparently you make a good broom.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
