we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
