I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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