Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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