omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
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I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
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My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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