nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
