In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
