Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
