he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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