ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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