you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
