Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
