I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize