I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
