your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
