When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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