He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
