the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize