Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
