I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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