I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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