the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This toilet bowl is my home.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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