I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
