Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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