Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
