The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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