My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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