He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
