I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
