just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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