I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
