Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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