So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
