this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
