Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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