I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
