Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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